HOW CHRIS OVERCAME DOUG'S INFIDELITY

 

Chris Young finally phoned Nicki Vee as a last ditch attempt to save her 25 year marriage. She wondered whether the 'Ultimate, Intimate Relationship Weekend' at the 'Happy House', that she had heard about, could be the thing that could put it right. Nothing else had worked. She described her relationship as having no intimacy and she doubted whether Doug was even committed enough to come along.....

 

Chris reflects, 'To other people it looked like we had a good relationship - but underneath there were cracks; we rarely made love and affection was nonexistent. When we attended the weekend, Doug firstly said he would rather be playing golf! We did an exercise where we wrote down what we wanted in a relationship and I had written, "Faithfulness, trust and honesty". Doug said he wanted the same. That night we talked about having no secrets, we hadn't talked like that since we had met'.

 

Chris said that although things were better there was still something missing. Returning to attend Tony and Nicki's 'Advanced Intimacy' event, Chris was still not sure whether to stay or go. Tony talked about truth and how secrets would destroy a relationship...

 

'Doug seemed very uncomfortable and then dropped a bombshell. He told me that he had not been faithful to me since we met, that he had been having a long term affair with my best friend and that he had slept with a prostitute. I collapsed in a chair and sobbed. It felt like my life and my marriage was in tatters. Over the following 48 hours I was in a daze. All day and night the questions piled up, I was trying to work it all out, often my numbness turned to anger'.

 

Tony and Nicki helped Chris deal with the initial shock and a multitude of emotions. They assisted Doug who quickly took responsibility for his actions and became very certain of what he wanted for them both for the future. Even at this early stage this seemed to help Chris to feel safe to vent her feelings. Once home, and understandably after a period of emotional turbulence, Chris decided to get away to think about whether she could forgive him...

 

'I had learnt that people have affairs for a variety of reasons. It was obvious that Doug wasn't getting his sexual needs met at home so he was going elsewhere. I was honest with myself and admitted that I often pushed him away. I don't excuse his behaviour but I do understand it and in some ways I think it was my fault'.

 

Tony and Nicki have coached many couples who, like Doug and Chris, have become completely disconnected or have had affairs and who have got to this point of asking themselves, "Can I forgive and should I stay or go?" Tony and Nicki believe that the healing process can only take place if both parties take responsibility for their part in the disconnection, really speak their truth of what they want for the future and let go of the past. Doug and Chris did all of this...

 

'I asked myself, 'Can I imagine life without him?' and the answer was no. Deep down I know he is a good man, a good father and I realised we were both to blame for the lack of intimacy. I made my decision and told Doug, 'I want to save my marriage'. Doug began to cry and we hugged one another. A few days later we went to Brighton, walked on the beach and for the first time made love - rather than just having sex. It was mind blowing'.

 

Doug and Chris's journey is a great example of how the truth can set you free. When Chris called Nicki to get help to save her marriage she had no idea what it was that would save it...

 

'Finding out about Doug's infidelity actually saved out marriage! The whole journey has made us both stronger. I can honestly say that we've now got the perfect relationship - we talk, make love and laugh'. Chris Young  

 

 

 

 

 

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